Summer slips into Fall

I decided to just write a title, whatever came to mind, and this seemed apropos for the cooler weather we have been experiencing these last couple of days (and especially nights…brrrr!!).

So, here we are, end of Monday, first day on the bandwagon. I have been here many times. As I referenced last evening in my post, it is not the starting of stuff that I have trouble with, it is the consistent, daily behaviours (correct British spelling) of keeping it going…I score very low in follow through. Once the shine has dimmed and the new becomes normal, I tend to lose interest. Not a great personal attribute and one that has had huge impact on my life, to date.

I believe life is about working to be better. Better today, than yesterday and hopefully, even better, tomorrow. With that in mind, I am going to use my time here to dig a little into some of my ‘stuff’ – barriers and road blocks.

Now don’t get me wrong – I have many strengths, as well. None of us are painted with one brush stroke and all possess wonderful characteristics and some, not-so-great-attributes. I don’t intend to spend my few daily moments here in self deprecation.

I am proud of myself for starting. I made sure I was up early. Was out for my walk @ 7:30 am. Had a somewhat productive day with work. Ate well – Whole 30 level well 🙂 and if you must know, put on a nicotine patch. I haven’t considered myself a smoker for over 7 years but last summer fell of that wagon for a couple / three weeks and moved to nicotine gum to ward off the evil temptress…problem is, that was a year ago and I was still chewing away…making excuses and validating my actions with the notion that it is better than smoking…which it is…but I need to rid my old body of any level of nicotine addiction and am hopeful that by using the patch, I can ween off the gum…frig… 🙂

I want to be a healthier, more content version of myself. For the most part, I like myself. I am a pretty cool cat (or so I think!) but have never really spent (for a plethora of reasons) a great deal of time digging into my own person. Understanding where some of my fears, inhibitions and barriers are stemming from and at the ripe age of 50, think it is about time, I start to figure some of this out.

So, if we want to use my title as an analogy – I, too, feel as if I have stepped over a threshold from summer to fall…but I don’t want to slip or slide…I want to skip 🙂

 

 

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Blah!

How can  I fill this space when I can’t think of a title…I’m just gonna start writing and see what comes out of me.

I don’t blog as much as I would like. Part of it being my inconsistent nature and part of it being my fear of exposure. Once I became aware that this blog was followed by a few souls, who really ‘know’ me, I became very self critical and protectionistic (not a word). I find it incredibly challenging to allow my raw authentic self to be heard…uncensored.

So this should probably be the disclaimer…I am feeling a huge need to pen my thoughts, woes, anxieties, silliness…whatever…so I am going to write like no one is reading this, pour out whatever decides to flow and see what happens. If I offend, shock or anger you; you should un-follow me. If something I say, resonates, keep reading.

Maybe this is just hard tonight. Not feeling the juices flowing. It is like anything else; if you don’t use it, you lose it. I need to use it.

My plan is to share some of my Whole 30 journey with anyone who is interested in following along. This will be my second round (kinda). I have struggled with my weight all of my life. Yo Yo dieting, fads, pills, magic pink drinks; you name it, I have tried it. I have some GI issues and arthritis settling into many of my joints. I do believe that it all starts with food. What we eat, how much and why.  So, inevitably, there will be some talk about food happening…but mostly how I feel about it (and really anything else, as well!).

I have recently turned 50 and have struggled this year with a low mood. Feeling out of sorts…not fully depressed…functioning (mostly)…but off. I have buried my mood these last few months with food, company and pot.

For the next 30 days, I am going to follow the Whole 30 plan, walk every day I am home (I will have to travel some for work, but will be on my feet all those days teaching) and only imbibe if there is someone to share my puff with. Sounds more like resolutions then reflections…

Still not feeling it…maybe, it will flow easier tomorrow.

The cooler temps of September are settling in, the garden is showing its season…so am I. Time for some significant changes and time with my own reflections.

Day 12 – My clean kitchen

Today, marked day 1 of my vacation. I didn’t do anything spectacular today but I did accomplish something I have been wanting to get done for a bit.

I spring cleaned my kitchen. Boring, I know…but, hey, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I am a bit boring.

My happiness comes from having the physical capacity to clean and to do so with a bunch of new cleaners that don’t give me a headache or make me feel ill. Nothing earth shattering and no great epiphany but an awareness, nonetheless, that many can’t  complete the many tasks that I can, with ease. It may only be a small thing but this awareness of the gift of my health is what this 100 day journey is truly about.

My health is the BIG THING!

I am thankful for my health and happy that I have the physical capacity and mental drive to fill my space.

❤

Ciao!

Day 10 & 11 – Smelling the Grass

Sorry I missed you all yesterday. I was out of town for manager meetings and the evening slowly eroded away to sleep…I promised myself just 11 short days ago that I would post daily and here, two separate times, in such a short period, I have let myself down. The truth is there is always enough time; we prioritize what we want to do or is pressing to us, period. I can let commitments to myself go, cause, well, it is just me, after all, and therein lies the crux of the problem I have faced these 49 odd years when it comes to prioritizing my health…it’s only just me and, I believe, at the core of some of what I am discovering – I don’t always mean that much to me…a sad personal truth…but I’m working on it!

I am going to get to the happiest part right away this evening…still on Whole30, still trying to do the things I have deemed as critical to my journey of self care and discovery…so let’s get to it! Need to get back to the daily meditation as I really enjoy the time spent being mindful and can feel the positive flow in the balance of my day.

Yesterday, I was struck by how fortunate I am to work with such amazing and passionate people. Wonderfully smart and talented individuals dedicating their time and gifts to the care of other people…pretty admirable stuff…and I get to play a small role in all of it. My happiest moments were connecting with these wonderful souls who share my work life. Catching up and sharing small parts of ourselves with each other. The noise and eager  excitement as everyone arrived and settled into our meeting room…it was palpable. We don’t always agree and, at times, our passions overtake our meetings and it can all become a bit volatile…with it all, these people were the highlight of my day.

Today, was a day set aside to catch up on administrative tasks, emails, communications and tidy up loose ends before our planned vacation days begin. As I was setting up my out of office, and updating the voicemail on my phone at the end of the day ( to ensure callers knew I was unavailable to reply in a timely manner and not just ignoring them), the realization of 10 glorious days stretched out in front of me, rolled over like a warm wave of sweet peace and joy…felt like a cat that was enjoying a full body stretch…and was fairly certain I would share that as my happiest moment with you all this evening. I was wrong and too premature in my supposition.

Today, the sun finally broke through the thick and dark clouds that have covered our skies and wet our land for these last few days. I headed out after supper to take my little Sophie for an evening walk to the water. As I started down our street, a familiar and wonderful smell tickled my nose…a sure sign of warm weather and the newness of this season…freshly mowed grass! The smell was so intense I had to stop in my tracks just to truly relish the fragrance. The smell drew a huge grin across my face and a notable bounce in my step…ahhh, spring…even Sophie’s nose was twitching with the aroma!

We have had a wet and slow one. In our region of Canada, Spring always starts late, but this year’s season has felt slower than normal to establish itself ( I earnestly believe the March 21 official Spring start date is rather premature and rather mean spirited for us Maritimers, as we can anticipate a few good snow storms after that date). With the incredible rainfall we have witnessed this Spring, the local lawns have sprung out of their brown and yellow coat as an incredible thick, lush and green carpet. As Soph and I made our way to the water’s edge, we came across several other homeowners, chasing behind their lawnmowers, filling the evening air with their noise and amazing grassy perfume…the smell of freshly mowed grass, my happiest moment today.

These pictures I am sharing were taken by the Kennebecasis Yacht Club, often, the destination of my evening walk. One of the view of the river (you can see how high the river still is by the fence) and one of the Clubhouse itself.

Ciao my friends!!

Day 9 – Drum Roll, please…

So another day is coming to a close and it was my first official weigh in day. Now I understand the premise of Whole30’s thought process is to help us steer clear of the scale number, to recognize the alternate (and very important) value of healthy eating, beyond that single obsessive number; the fixation many of us endure, while we miss all of the alternate non-scale victories (NSV in Whole 30 people speak) we are witnessing…BUT…I am pretty excited!!

Wanna know how much I lost in the 9 days I have participated in this journey of mine?

Curious at all?

Remember, there has been no counting calories, no meat sitting on a scale, just following the eating template – no dairy, no sugar (NONE), no grains, no legumes (including peanuts and soya) – animal based proteins, healthy fats with lots of veggies (even potatoes) and some fruit.

Healthy and balanced eating…no processed foods – no MSG, nitrates, or carrageenan…

9 lbs lost and 5.5 inches!!!!!!

Crazy! I also know some of you are sitting there saying ‘water weight’, and that may be the case, but have you ever carried around a 10 lb bag of potatoes? Tell me that isn’t a heavy parcel to lug around and a joy to put down…and I did…I put it down (maybe down the toilet) but down, none the less, and I am sure my back, my ankle and my knee are all very grateful. In fact, doctors say you can multiply your extra body weight by itself to measure the amount of pressure on your spine. Gravity does not care that it was water weight and I don’t either…in essence that is 81 lbs of pressure off my spine (and other joints!).

My NSV’s include:

• better sleep
• better mood
• less achy joints
• that plantar fasciitis and bone spur pain in my left foot are easing up (I am whispering this as I type, don’t want to jinx it all)
• I am feeling better
• I believe my skin looks more subtle and healthy

5.5 inches in 9 days…is that even possible??

With my daily walking, reduced inflammation and healthy eating this old body is responding and I am pumped! I have also been using the Plexus Trio – Plexus Slim (daily pink drink), their BioCleanse and ProBio along with my turmeric and MSM. A couple of days ago, I also started taking the Melaleuca Peak Performance Woman’s Vitamin Pack.  I have started using the Melaleuca cleaners, reducing toxins in our home and my allergic response seems to be improving. I have promised myself 100 days and today I am truly excited for the next 91 days 🙂

You may assume that my weight loss was my happiest moment today, as I spent all of this time gloating 🙂 But, it’s not. This morning I had to meet a student to get her final payment on her course and she glowed with pride as she talked about all she was learning, how her father has Parkinson’s Disease and she has been able to really help him lately, giving him suggestions for changes in his diet, exercise routine, etc. The training is providing her with an enhanced insight into how to help her Daddy. She thanked me, repeatedly, for the chance to complete this training and chase her dream of working with seniors.

I could have burst! I am so honoured to be able to share my bits of accrued knowledge and wisdom with these front line caregivers, enhance their life skills and confidence. I was reminded today why I choose to work as an educator in community based care.

She gave me an incredible gift (and no, not the cheque, but it helps!). She reminded me that what I do matters to so many and I hope she creates an incredible ripple in her circles as she grows, as she cares…cause she did for me!

Have a good one my friends!

PS – I had an early morning breakfast meeting and forgot to take a picture of me but will post one later this week for your viewing pleasure lol and for my review as I get my healthy back!

 

 

Day 7 & 8 – Back to the blog

Hiddy Ho!

Sorry I missed a post yesterday…not sure exactly who I am apologizing to, myself, I guess. This has been my commitment to me – to capture daily what made me the happiest as a means of reinforcing the positive. The small little miracles, wonders and joys that make up our lives…to not take any of it for granted and reinforce a mindfulness in my daily life.

Yesterday, my step son visited in the afternoon and for an overnight stay. His birthday was in April but due to work commitments had not been over for his birthday celebration dinner…as it was, it ended up being only the two of us at the table for supper. We enjoyed my best attempt at creating a Chana Masala and Indian Chicken Stew. It was indeed tasty but don’t believe it would have passed any ‘red seal’ test. My daughter recently moved back home for a few months as she saves for her upcoming move to Ontario, and, I believe, her brother is aching to go along…we shall see how that plays itself out. It would offer me some degree of comfort to have them together on this adventure as they chase their hopes, dreams and ambitions to richer pastures.

Today, was a work day again. Had an interesting initial meeting with a potential new client and that always excites me. I may be a nurse but there is an eager hunter sales person buried within that longs for the opportunity to chase 🙂

We had an incredible rain storm on the weekend and our local river is swelled up and onto the lawn and driveway of the local marina. My little doggie and I enjoyed a quick walk down to the river’s edge tonight to see the heightened water. Those tiny buds on the trees are bursted out with little leaves unfurling and light green blossoms bursting along.

I think my happiest moments over the last couple of days was sitting and listening late last evening to the banter and conversation of my honey and two of our cubs. Listening to their planning, their stories…no matter how many years are added,  a parent’s heart strings are always pulled by the sound of their children’s gleeful tones. Roger and I are so fortunate – we have good kids. They are good people. Trying to find their path, searching out their passions, their gifts and talents; making their way in this crazy world. Daring to dream great and wonderful dreams in an often scary world and at what feels like a period of general angst in our world. I dozed off last night, cozied in my bed, to the soft purr of my husbands snores (he always dozes off much easier than I do) and the muffled tones of shared secrets and stories making their way up the stairs from the living room below…our babies, grown people, but still the babies; planning and dreaming.

I am grateful for these coming months to have my baby girl home with us. She has always been our most independent one, the youngest, yet the trail blazer.

They are my heart. They are my happiest moments ❤

Ciao!

 

Day 6 – gettin’ da ‘feels’!

Today I felt great…all day…headaches seems to be gone, good mood, clear head and energy! I’ll take it!

I ordered a home conversion kit from Melaleuca as I have many sensitivities and want to try some alternative cleaners, detergents, soaps, etc. I spring cleaned our bedroom (it was so dusty and needed a BIG clean) and it smells wonderful…all clean and fresh even though we can’t open a window right now. It is raining so hard that I heard a guy named Noah built a special boat…it is crazy out. A whole month’s worth of rain in a day.

My happiest moment today is the day and how I am feeling in it…it always takes a few days to slay that sugar dragon and start to feel good. It started earlier this time and I am feeling strong. My skins seems brighter, a nice healthy glow and pink cheeks…hair is looking good and I feel fine. I am also down 9 lbs (checked the scale today…I know, I know…not supposed to, but who will know?! just you and me 🙂 )

I think the combination of the Plexus trio AND the Whole 30 eating template is a great mix. I am pretty excited to see where this takes me. I was in a rut and feel like I am pulling back the emotional veil, moving more, sleeping better and energized…at least for today!

Have a great one!

Ciao!